Mr. Miller drove a grey BMW. At the time, it was the coolest car I had ever seen, or been in. Mr. Miller always let me listen to my radio stations too. He always made comments like; “This is cool. I can listen to this.” He always sounded like such an old guy when he tried too talk about music, or movies, or school. But, all he really wanted was to connect with me.
It was a 20 minute drive from my house to the Miller’s. At least, for my mom it was a 20 minute drive; Mr. Miller always took 30 or so. However, tonight I wasn’t paying any attention to the radio or to Mr. Miller’s slow driving. Tonight all I could think about was what I had done and if I would get caught. I would never be able to look at the Miller’s again! I was embarrassed just thinking of the lecture my mom would give.
“You seem a little distracted. You got something on your mind Jenny?” Mr. Miller said
“I’m sorry was I spaced out?” I laughed. “My mind was on some things. You know the usual stuff.” I said.
“Well, what is usual stuff these days? And I bet a lot hasn’t changed. Oh, the names will always change, but the problems stay the same.” He said.
“I guess so.”
Mr. Miller sighed.
Looking back I realize his frustration. Connecting with people at the age of 18 or 19 is hard. They think everything is unique to them. That they have some idea about how the real world works and how people are suppose to act. But they don’t. And I was no different. That knowledge only comes from living. I read a quote one time in a college literature class. It said experience is something we call our mistakes. I can’t remember who said it, but it’s true enough.
“School work getting tougher is just a fact of life. Boy trouble? Is it peer pressure? Mr. Miller said.
“No. None of those really is really my problem, but yeah all of those. Kind’a.” I don’t know what the hell I was trying to say to him with that. I just wanted to give him some answer besides the truth.
“Oh I see.” He said.
I had to smile at that.
“You know Jenny I’m not a bad guy. You can talk to me. I mean really talk to me. If you wanted too talk that is. I know what you’re going through. At least, I think I do. I didn’t have a father growing up either. And I just want you to know that there are things people figure out when they are older that they wish they would have known when they were younger. Do you understand?” He said
“I think so.” I said
He smiled as he said; “I know you’re a pretty young freshman. I bet the boys hang on your every word huh?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. In fact, after a pause to let the awkwardness fade I spoke without thinking.
“Well, sometimes they do, but I don’t really get boys. I mean, I know they want to be flirted with.” I paused because I realized that I had just purposed an actually inner question to someone I really didn’t know that well and a grown man at that. “Well, they want to be flirted with by one girl, but then that’s not enough, because they run off to another girl and another and another after that.” I spoke very softly.
“Well Jenny sometimes guys will do anything to make a girl smile. The trick to playing the game well is, well, not giving in to soon and not holding out too much. If you know what I’m saying.” He said
I blushed as I thought back to James. I certainly made him smile.
“Jenny, maybe you should just let go your inhibitions now and just ask me what you really want to ask hmm? He said with a smile. Suddenly, Mr. Miller pulled over in front of a house that wasn’t mine. In fact, it was about 2 blocks down from mine. “There, that will give us sometime to finish our talk hmm? He said.
“Sure.” I said in my best fake enthusiastic voice. I was stalling as I tried to figure out what exactly was the point of this talk.
“Jenny, you’re a beautiful, young, vibrant, girl. But, I’m afraid you have the wrong ideas about boys. Now you say you don’t get boys. Flirting is a game Jenny. You both play it, because you both want something from it.”
I started to blush and smile. Is Mr. Miller flirting with me? I looked down at the floor at my feet. He has such a pretty wife. He has this car and lots of money and he’s flirting with me. I was awestruck!
“Well, what kind of reward does the winner get. I mean, if it’s a game, there must be a reward. Right?” I was barley able to get out an audible sound at this point. I was running on pure adrenaline and fear.
“In this kind of game Jenny both parties are rewarded. The game is fun. The rewards are fun. Isn’t this talk fun?” He said. He took off his seat belt and leaned back more against the door than against his chair. He placed his hands over his eyes and rubbed them. He was now facing me more than he was not.
Just then I did understand the game. I understood it more then than ever before. He was embarrassed to be flirting with an 18 year old girl, but he couldn’t help his self. He couldn’t help but flirt with me. I can’t tell you how inflating that is to one’s self confidence. At that moment I realized that I may have been his car, his rules, and he may have been playing the game, but I ran it!
“This is a fun game.” I said with a confident smile.
“Well I’m glad you like it.” He said.
“In fact, I’ve never been too far in this game Mr. Miller.” I said, cutting his sentence short. “Like I said, most boys just run off to the next girl pretty early in the game.”
“That’s ashamed.” He said, obviously taken back by my new found confidence.
“The real shame is that I don’t know what the next move is. I have all these emotions.” I looked down at the floor and smiled, because I couldn’t say that corny line with a straight face. I could only hope that he would buy it.
“Emotions can drive you crazy at this age Jenny. That is the real point of this talk. And, I don’t want you to be afraid of them. Ok? He said.
I smiled as I wondered how far this would go. Would he let me touch him? Would he kiss me? I was confident, but not confident enough to kiss him first. But, if he made a move, I thought, it wouldn’t be so bad. I would enjoy it, I thought. And, it would be nice to have someone on my side if James ever told what happened.
My thoughts were interrupted just then as he reached out with his hand and brushed away the hair in my face. He didn’t remove his hand. Rather, he let it linger touching the back of his hand to my cheek. It was like a movie I thought. Suddenly, he brought his thumb to my lips and faintly touched them. He left them there, for what seemed like an eternity, pressing ever so softly. Then, he moved his hand and started his long journey across the car to kiss me.
I closed my eyes, partly in fear, as he made his first motion. I waited, impatiently, for his lips to find mine. I was rewarded with soft open mouth kiss that began to drive me wild. As his lips pinched my lips he began to dart his tongue in and out. I lived only to respond. I let him do all the work at first. Although, this was not my first kiss I always remember it as my first “real kiss.” Suddenly, the passion kicked in. His hand slid behind my head as he began to press me firmly to him. His tongue fully entered my mouth. I began to copy his motions.
My right hand reached out and found his chest. I felt his left hand caress my right breast and then my left. He broke the kiss and quickly unbuttoned the top buttons of my shirt so his hand could find its way inside. His fingertips made their way under the line of my bra and pushed me more and more into excitement.
I suddenly didn’t feel like a 18 year old girl. And, he didn’t seem like a forty year old man. At that moment, we were just playing the game.
He took his left hand and placed on my right, which was on his chest. Slowly, he urged it to his crotch as his lips found my neck. I picked up on his intend and reached to undo his belt and trousers. He leaned up in his seat and quickly undid his belt, button, and zipper before quickly returning his lips to my neck and ear.
My nails slipped down under his underwear line as he pulled me far across the center console and almost into his lap. As my hands explored his manhood, I was impressed by his size. It was certainly the biggest I had ever felt. As I lay semi across the console I felt his right hand reach down between my jeans and fell my wetness. Firmly I felt his fingers between my thighs. Suddenly, he pulled away and rose up to pull down his pants and underwear to mid thigh. As he leaned back against the BMW’s driver side door I realized how far this was going to go.
I had never given a blow job before. My friend Cindy talked about her recent experiences. She almost urged me to find someone and do it too. I guess so we would have something to talk about. She was my best friend. I wondered if I could even tell her this story.
Mr. Miller placed his hand on my head and urged me down onto his lap. My hands found their spots, they knew what to do. It was my mouth that was unsure. I started by engulfing the head and trying to use as much spit as possible. I learned from Greg, and more from James, that spit equaled a good feeling.
I had my right hand wrapped around his penis and stoked him up and down. I used my mouth much like I would to eat an ice cream cone. I stroked and sucked over and over. I didn’t know if I was doing it right or wrong. My encouragement came from Mr. Miller who would say “Yes. That’s it. Not so fast. Ah!” I used the words as feelers to see if what I was doing at the moment was right and then I just tried to do that thing again.
I felt his hand on the back of my neck. It massaged my neck through the weave of my hair. He used it to quicken and slow my pace for what seemed like forever, but really must have only been minutes. I loved the sound of his breath, hot, deep, in and out. The most amazing thing was the feeling of control. I tossed my hair back and looked up at his face. He was memorized as he looked down to me and smiled. I continued stroking him and his smile gave me another boost of passionate enthusiasm as I dipped back down with my mouth.
My hand and mouth worked feverously now. No thoughts. No plans. No school, mom, or Mrs. Miller.
“I’m going to cum.” He said. “Jenny you don’t have to…..”
His sentence was interrupted by a hot spurt in my mouth. Quickly his hand was firm holding my head down. But I wasn’t stopping anyhow. Hot bust after hot burst entered my mouth. I didn’t pay much attention to the taste. I was caught up in his grunts and moans and the satisfaction I was bringing him. As a natural reaction I swallowed most of his stuff. I continued to touch and suck, but he urged me away saying “it was sensitive.”
I sat back in my seat my shirt open and my heart pounding. I fluttered my tongue around in my mouth finding small clumps of his stuff to swallow. I wasn’t freaked out, or nervous, I was feeling more devilish than anything.
He buttoned up his trousers and I my shirt and he pulled out with out a word. That was a little disheartening I thought.
“Jenny.” He said. “That was amazing. And I loved it. And I love the time we have together, but you know we can’t tell anyone about this. Right?”
“I know. Right.” I said.
“No, girlfriends. No one. Ok?” He said.
“Can we do it again?” I said with a smile.
He looked at me and smiled.
“Oh, my God” He said.
I laughed as he reached across the car and found my thigh with his hand. He gave it a good squeeze and I squealed. We reached the front of my house fairly quickly. Mr. Miller pulled out his wallet and retrieved to one hundred dollar bills.
“Here. This is for you.” He said.
I first I was bewildered. Then I was a little pissed. He only owed me $40 for babysitting. What the hell did he think I was? But then I realized its two hundred dollars. Who cares?! I grabbed his hand with my free hand and gave it a squeeze. I would have loved to give him a goodnight kiss, but I couldn’t take a chance on mom or my neighbor watching.
As I burst through the door I heard my mom say “How was it? Everything go ok?”
“Fantastic.” I said.
